I need to do more posting. If I post, I can see exactly where I am going and where I have been. I started to have some hallucinations again which really scared me. How long do I go through this post-partum??? It seems as though it never ends and in fact, who knows when it even begun. Sometimes I feel like the seed was probably planted a long time ago. The good news is that I have not given up on my life. I joined Weight Watchers again which I really needed. I started to really feel like crap. I've certainly got food issues. But then again, what issues don't I have. At least I know it now with my therapy. I will get better. One thing that was kinda a bummer--the church called and said that they don't have room to watch an infant. So, no church for us there. I was looking forward to that. However, that was not going to make or break my week. I got my 5 year service award today. That was pretty cool--I was proud of that.

Okay, somedays things seem to be getting better. I work at it and really struggle to make it. I am sure that good will come of this. This is the positive "me" coming through. I know that it is hard but therapy is helping. T and i had a great weekend. We went to Lancaster and went shopping. It was a lot of fun and it gave me recharge in my batteries. I needed it. But, I did miss Ava. IT was hard to be away from her for the first time.

I hate part of today. I am frustrated in my own mind. The medicine is frustrating and not taking it is out of the question. At least my mind was occupied tonight by addressing the invitatons. Tomorrow, I really could use some sun, a hot bath and something to keep me occupied. I am suffering. I am so glad that I can tell T the truth. I know sometimes that it is hard for him and others to hear but I need to do it selfishly. It is just so much harder telling the truth to the point it is almost exhausting. It was much, much easier for me to just pretend I was okay. I am going to be okay. I know it. It will just take time.

Today is my first day blogging. I am going to try to do this every single day. I have been surviving this Post Partum Psychosis and it really is not easy. I am struggling all week because it's been so rainy and my meds make me tired. However, I know I have to take one day at a time and MAKE it WORK. It's not easy and sometimes it just me having a pity party for myself. I have a wonderful husband and a great daugter and a new dog. Why can't I be happy? I hope that this medicine will finally work. I am so lucky and have so much. I pray that I can make it through this. I am getting excited to finally go away next weekend with T. We need some alone time. I love them so much. TGIF!!!